Reminiscence
by RavaLynn
Summary: Bella is getting ready to marry the love of her life-and after-life, Edward. But Jacob is offering something she can't refuse-a one-time look into what she's giving up! Find out just what comes from one night alone with a werewolf...
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or it's characters... That credit goes to the talented Miss Stephenie Meyer!

BPOV

I closed my eyes and inhaled deeply, taking comfort in the familiar smell of grease and gasoline. I was really going to miss this truck. Edward had promised I could keep it, but had insisted on buying me something with a little more "umph," as he so tactfully put it. I wanted to keep it, as it would be a reminder of all things human: Charlie… Billy… and… _Jake._ My heart broke at the thought of his name.

I could wade through that mess in a few minutes, but right now I was going to revel in my first vehicle before it was permanently parked in the Cullen's garage. It was ridiculously hard to make myself focus on the fact that I would only get to drive it a few more times before it had to be put up. My mind kept wandering toward what I was about to do…

I was supposed to be deliberating the best way to inform Renee of my engagement. Instead, I was here calculating the best way to sneak onto the reservation.

I had told myself I wouldn't go see him. I would make this easier on both of us if I had never gone to see him again. If I just disappeared from his life…

"_A clean break…" _I shuddered involuntarily as the phrase that had haunted me for weeks resurfaced in my mind. "_A clean break." _The words meant to save me-help me heal-had nearly killed me. I couldn't do that to him. Jacob Black deserved better than that. Of course, I couldn't possibly mean as much to Jake as Edward meant to me… But I didn't want to even imagine Jacob in a fraction of the pain I had once suffered.

And, as much as I didn't want to admit it, I didn't want him to find his own personal "sun." I couldn't imagine him with anyone else, even though I couldn't bring myself to choose him over Edward.

I cranked the engine, jumping slightly at the sound and smiling sadly at the realization that I would miss even the roaring noise. I fidgeted with the radio for a few more minutes, stalling. Did I really want to complicate things by going back to La Push? Or did I want to leave things the way they were, with Jacob breaking the way I once did?

That last thought was enough to push me on. I couldn't live knowing Jake was hurting. I pointed my truck in the direction of First Beach and reached for my cell phone. "Billy? This is Bella. I know Jake's probably busy right now, but will you give him a message for me?"


	2. Chapter 2

BPOV

I had half given up on him coming. I had been here for over an hour, switching my gaze back and forth between the flickering green flames licking up off the driftwood and keeping an eye on the sunset reflecting off of the unusually calm waters. _Who am I kidding? I'm more waiting on the sun to go down than I am waiting on him showing up. _

To say the least, I was startled to feel the branch underneath me shift as it took on the weight of an overgrown werewolf. I looked up, cautiously searching for signs of forgiveness. There weren't any. Jacob's face betrayed no emotion. His eyes were closed and his face calm. A slight breeze played in his hair as I took in his appearance.

He was dressed only in the cutoffs I had grown so accustomed to seeing him in, a sheen of sweat glistening off his perfect russet skin. All over his body, his muscles were tight-not in anger, but still wound from the exercise his run had created. I could smell the woodsy, musky scent I had come to associate with him over the smell of the salt and smoke. It was comforting to be near him again- like I could breathe a little easier when he was around.

He hadn't moved at all since sitting down, and I almost didn't want to waste time talking. I merely wanted to watch him, remember him… I wanted to take in the vision in front of me and lock it away at the back of my mind, only taking it back out to meditate on the near-peace calm that emanated from his features. Knowing him, it must have taken every minute of the past few weeks for him to master it.

"I'm sorry he sent you the invitation." Silence. "He didn't mean to hurt you." I hesitated. "I didn't either." He gave no sign that he'd heard a word of it. "Jake… Please, at least say something."

His brow furrowed. "I know I hurt you. I didn't want to, but I can't not be with him, Jacob. I can't live without him." The peaceful calm slowly disappeared, as pain sifted into its place. "But I can't live without you, either. I can't just go on, knowing that I hurt you." My eyes welled up, and he swallowed audibly.

"I don't know how to fix this. You're my best friend in the whole world, and I love you so much… But I love him, too. He's my soul mate."


	3. Chapter 3

BPOV

At last, he turned to look at me. I averted my eyes from the pain in his gaze. "Bella, no matter what you do, I will always love you." His voice was steady and held an undertone of strength that had not been there before. It reminded me of the authority Billy's voice had held the night of the pack's bonfire.

"I told you once that I would rather see you dead than become a… Than to see you changed." My heart broke at the memory.

"I didn't want to leave it this way, but I understand…" I started to leave, but he grabbed my wrist before I could go. "I wasn't finished."

He let go of my arm, and gestured for me to sit closer to him. "I've realized that even if you choose to do that to yourself, I will still love you." My shock must have shown. "_If_ you're still you afterwards," he amended.

"I don't care if you love the… Cullen. If you are still Bella inside, that's all that matters… That's who I'm in love with. I'm not in love with the fact that you're human-the only difference between you being a human or werewolf instead of a… Vampire… would be that I would have the pack's approval." He was talking more to himself, but I was still so shocked, I didn't really believe I was hearing this anyway.

"I mean… I want my family to approve of who I'm in love with, but I can't help it if they don't… And anyway, if you do turn, and I don't ever see you again, I would probably drive them insane with wondering what had happened to you. It's not like we can exactly block each other's feelings…" In the haste of his thoughts, a bit of his normal immaturity began to slip back into his tone. But as his eyes flashed to mine, all traces of it evaporated once more.

He had aged over the past weeks-I could see it in his eyes, in his posture; I could hear it in his voice.

"Bella…" I closed my eyes as his warm hand softly-sweetly-brushed my cheek, swept down my jaw, and dropped from my chin. I could feel my heart swell at his touch, and knew that this was where I truly belonged… That were it not for the bitter sweet twist of fate, this would be the man with whom I would spend the rest of my life…

A single tear trickled down my cheek.

"I love you, Jake…" He shifted, positioning me onto his lap, leaning me back into his chest as he wrapped his arms around me. The warmth of his body felt good against the cool, ocean breeze. "I love you, too, Bells."


	4. Chapter 4

BPOV

For the first time in my life, I wanted someone other than Edward to kiss me.

Jacob seemed to read my mind. He turned me slowly to face him, his dark eyes searching mine. "I want to kiss you, Bella." He was giving me a choice this time. No sneak-attack, no ultimatums-just a choice.

My eyes closed as we leaned into each other. His warm lips met mine again, but this time they weren't clumsy or pushy or greedy. This time, they were perfect.

My head was spinning by the time we broke apart. We were both breathing slightly heavy, and I felt as if I would burst from the intensity of the love I felt for him.

He leaned in to me again, his face just inches from my own. "I want to be with you, Bella. Just for one night, I want you to know what you're choosing to turn away from… Or what you could have everyday for the rest of your life."

My heart pounded. He wasn't just talking about kissing anymore.

And yet, suddenly, that wasn't all that I wanted.

I wanted to know what _would_ have been if I were to choose Jacob. I wanted to know what being loved felt like- in all the human ways, anyway. And I wanted _him_ to know that if it weren't for the immortal, god-like creature that had chosen me, poor Mike Newton wouldn't have stood a chance.

EPOV

Something was wrong. Alice's thoughts were reeling, but they flew so rapidly that even I didn't understand them. I turned to walk from the room, intent on meeting her halfway up the stairs, but a half-step later, and we were nose to nose.

She was breathing quickly; panicking. Something Alice never did.

_What did you do?_ "What's wrong? Slow down, Alice… Tell me what you saw." Her eyes searched mine frantically. _What did you do? Why can't I see her in our future anymore-oh, god. Why can't I see _her_ future anymore?_ My heart sank.

"Edward… Where's Bella?"


	5. Chapter 5

BPOV BPOV

"What do _you_ want, Bells?" His dark eyes were locked on mine, searching for an answer in my expression. I shivered, not because of the cold, but that must have been his train of thought as he wrapped me into a warm embrace.

I lowered my eyes, taking in once more the perfect contour of his body, the sleek muscle hidden beneath russet skin… I was beginning to develop a new appreciation for his recent growth-spurt.

He touched his finger to my chin, gingerly lifting my face to meet his, planting a gentle kiss on my forehead. My cheeks flushed, and he laughed a soft, rich laugh that reminded me of _my _Jacob-only older, more mature.

I leaned into him, a little too eagerly, so that just as our lips were about to meet, we toppled backwards- with me bouncing around safely in his arms until we both hit the ground, laughing at my inept balance. I rolled over, so we were lying face-to-face, and he chuckled when I scrunched my nose at the rocks in my sides.

"Do you want to go somewhere a little softer?"

Before I could answer, he was up and running into the dark forest. I watched the night swallow him, confused and a little hurt that I was making such a giant leap and he was just going to leave me.

I stifled my pain when an enormous brown wolf ran back out to meet me, a folded pair of cut-off shorts tied to it's back leg. "Jake, what are you doing?" I giggled (something I never did), and reached up to block the giant tongue from my face.

He slung his head backwards, motioning for me to climb on and squatted down so I could reach his back. I looked at him skeptically. "You can't be serious." The Jacob-wolf rolled his eyes and nodded again.

I jumped on, confident in my safety- partly because the change was made while he was calm, and mostly because I would never be afraid of Jake. He would never do anything to risk my safety.

His coat was thick and soft beneath me, and I ran my hands through the down-fur repeatedly, enjoying the texture while he emitted something like a purr from his throat.

He said something that came out in a gutteral growl, and before I could even guess what it was, we were flying from the beach and into the forest.

It was like nothing I'd ever felt before. It was rougher than my runs with… In my guilt, I couldn't think his name right now… But it was smoother than riding a horse-much easier. I hugged closer to him.

He was dodging trees and branches that were flying by so fast I couldn't see them. The wind whipped at my face and my eyes stung, but I couldn't close them. This was absolutely exhilarating! I felt so… Free…

Too soon, he was slowing down, the blustering air was dying away, and my windswept hair fell in loose tendrils around my face. We were standing in a clearing just off the side of a road.

Jacob bent down for me to get off, gave me a final lick, and turned to go change back. Within seconds, he was walking back toward me, his hair matted I guessed from me hanging on to it.

"Wow." I said, breathlessly. He wasn't even winded. "I take it you enjoyed that?" A smile was stretched out over his face, genuine and dazzling. "Has anyone else ever…?" I didn't finish my question. "Not that I know of. Don't say anything to Sam, either. He'd probably order me not to do it again."

I eyed him. "How do you propose keeping it from him?" He smiled wider. "All of the others are currently attending Kim's birthday party. Not one of them is in wolf form. I don't intend on thinking about it when I am, either… Running is a little… Stimulating… For me."

I blushed. He was obviously embarrassed, sharing something that personal.

"So? Where are we?" I looked around, not really impressed by what I saw. "You should recognize the road out there-it's where you fell the first time we rode the motorcycles." I glared back at the road this time, taking the pain of the memory personally.

"I wanted to show you this place that day… But you got hurt, and that got me a little sidetracked." He grabbed my hand again, leading me away from the path that lead back to the road. We walked, hand in hand, for about twenty minutes, just talking.

I barely even noticed when we stopped. I was too busy getting lost again in his voice, his smile, his eyes… I was getting lost in him.

He turned to face me, smiling softly as he brushed my lips with his finger. "Shhh…" I took in my surroundings for the first time since beginning our walk. We were far in the forest, surrounded by enormous trees covered in moss. Just ahead, there was a dense wall of greenery. A stream trickled away in the background…


	6. Chapter 6

"This is my secret place… Where I come to think

"This is my secret place… Where I come to think." I waited for him to continue, feeling elated and grateful that he had chosen to share this with me. He didn't speak again, just walked forward, and held back the brush to reveal a slightly worn path, dimly lit by the moon peaking through the canopy. We walked on together, his arms shooting out here and there to catch me when I tripped over something that usually turned out to be my own feet.

Within minutes, the trees overhead disappeared and the stars shown with startling brilliance. The moon was full and for once a clear, glowing silver orb, not shrouded by clouds. A black wall stood out against the greenery about thirty feet high, and water reflected the moon as it stair-stepped down a waterfall into a small pool surrounded by moss-covered boulders and plush, green plants. The smell of wild flowers after a fresh rain washed over me, making me think of spring.

As my eyes readjusted to the light, I froze. I noticed a blue heron at the waterside, head tucked beneath his wing. A young raccoon was washing his hands across the way, scrubbing the top of his head and over his nose, and a curious black bear turned at the sound of my small gasp, then slowly lumbered back into the brush.

"Jake… It's beautiful." When I turned to look at him, I wondered whether he had ever taken his eyes from my face. His head hadn't turned since we'd stepped from the path, and his eyes were glued on mine. "_You're _beautiful, Bells."

I felt the blood rush to my cheeks as he pulled me into a tight hug. His mouth moved near my ear. "I never want to let you go." My eyelids fluttered shut. "Tonight, you won't have to."

His mouth was on mine then, his lips moving gently against my own. His tongue swept over my bottom lip, and I melted inside. I crushed myself against him, molding to his form, relishing the heat his body exuded.

Unthinkingly, I pulled slightly away, never breaking the kiss, and reached for my shirt. He released me to grab my wrists. I froze, as his coal black eyes bore into me, searching… "Before we do this, Bella, I need to know that this is what you want." His countenance was firm, but his eyes were pleading.

I couldn't turn him down. I wanted to make mistakes. I wanted to be human just for one night… And I wanted it bad enough that I would accept any consequences that came from this.

"Yes, Jake. This is what I want." Triumph. It was written all over his face. But there was more to it than that… He loved me, and that was visible, too.

Now it was he that reached for my shirt. He pulled it gently over my head, and tossed it onto the closest low-hanging branch. My jeans were gone next. He took a step backward. I blushed as I watched his gaze sweep appreciatively over a figure I didn't exactly flaunt. But as I recognized the look on his face, my embarrassment vanished.

Before I knew it , Jake had closed the distance and pinned me to the forest floor. His lips were on mine again as he wrapped his arms around me. One hand worked dexterously at my bra while the other roamed my body freely, cupping my breast or tracing my jaw with his index finger.

In no time, the bra was gone, hanging from the same bush as my shirt and pants. Both of his hands were now free to explore my figure. He smiled as I fidgeted with his button. It was stuck.

When he was finally free of his clothes, he began kissing my neck, slowly working his way down to my collar bone. Each time his lips touched my skin, it sent shivers down my spine, leaving a heated trail down to the top of my breast, where it lingered for just a moment.

He moved on too quickly, to the lower corner of my abs, down to the inside of my hip. He skipped again, planting a few butterfly kisses on the inside of my thigh, as he slid off the last piece of clothing I had on.

He hovered over me again, as I finally allowed myself to trace the bronzed muscle I had longed to touch-to taste. I kissed his shoulder as he slowly, finally let himself fall.

The soft rush of the waterfall became a roar as waves of sweet emotion came over me. I felt like the pulsating of my own heart would carry me away, as it intermingled with his.

Our hearts danced throughout the night to the savage pounding of our own manmade drums. And when the waves finally did overtake us, they swept us both away to a place only Jake and I could venture into… They swept us into dreams of each other…


End file.
